Most of us only knew Santa Claus as the fat man with a white beard and red robe, who would try and sneak down chimneys every year, in the vain attempt to mimic the role of a flipkart delivery boy. Little was known about the true identity of Santa and myths had it that he hailed from the North Pole and traversed the globe on a flying sleigh. However, recent discoveries have revealed the true identity of Santa to be popular South Indian Actor Santhana Bharathi.
The investigations were carried out in secrecy and several sensors were discreetly planted around the belly of the actor, tracking all his activities including his frequent visits to the restroom owing to improper bowel movements. The investigation was carried out by a special team headed by Gaptun Vijaykanth, who briefed the media about the entire operation in a press conference.
Reporter : “So Gaptun , could you tell us how the entire investigation unfolded?”
Gaptun : “From the very beginning, i had a strong sandheham (suspicion) about him. His beard bore a lot of resemblance to a number of Bakistan theeviravaadhis (terrorists) I had faced at Gargill, and with my MS Baint skills, I was able to fit Mr.Bharathi into Santa’s attire, and it was a perfect match . Hey hey, do not be question me about the difference in color of the skin tone. When you can accept Michael Sackson in Black or White and me as Karuppu MGR , you can very well accept this case.”
Reporter : “We also hear that you have a strong reasoning behind the origin of the name Santa Claus.”
Gaptun : “Yes, Mr.Bharathi was rather clever in naming his alter-ego Santa Gloss. He chose Santa , which is short for Santhana, and Gloss, is actually a slang for ‘Closet’, where he spent much of his day owing to his digestive disorders.”
Reporter : “Finally, do you have any conclusive evidence to back your report ?”
Gaptun : “We were unable to get DNA samples, owing to the lack of hair on his head. But we did manage to acquire photographic evidence of him in action, which bore strong resemblance to the activities of Santa Gloss. We are disclosing these bictures to the bublic.”
The photographic evidences, which reinforced claims that Santa Claus was infact Santhana Bharathi were released to the public.
Evidence #1 :
‘Santa’ caught making a list and checking it twice. The perplexed look on his face probably because one of the kids had infact asked for ‘Marudhanaayagam’ DVD.
Evidence #2 :
‘Santa’ spotted with his sack, leaving his headquarters at
North Pole North Madras. He actually made an effort to pose for the camera before diving out through the window.
Evidence #3 :
Evidence #4 :
Evidence #5 :
‘Santa’ attempts to foster the spirit of sharing among people during the festive season.
Evidence #6 :
‘Santa’ hires volunteer to lie with arms outstretched in bed in a vain attempt to demonstrate the existence of Jesus in every man.
Evidence #7 :
A delighted young man seen thanking ‘Santa’ for gifting him a shoe for Christmas.
Evidence #9 :
‘Santa’ blushes when Mr. Madan Bob (far right) reveals that his wife wanted Santa’s beard as a christmas gift.
In addition to indeed revealing Santhana Bharathi as Santa Claus, these photographic evidences also throw light on Santa Claus’s nemesis, who is often seen trying to foil Santa’s plans.
Evidence #10 :
“Naa Christmas illai nu sollale, irundha nalla irukkum.”
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone !